29 May 2012

Amber's Advocate

Chapter Ten


"So how far into the biography are you in?" Amber asked as she nursed a cup of hot chocolate in her cold hands.

"A few chapters in... it's a very interesting read, not really light reading but I like things that stimulate the mind.  What were you doing when you got my text?"  Cade asked, taking a sip of his ice tea.

"Honestly?" Amber said, thinking again, "I'd just woken up from another bad dream and was getting ready to go out somewhere... anywhere."

"Well, I'm glad I texted then," Cade smiled, "The last times I've met you, it's been late at night... I guess you don't sleep well then?"

"I don't usually sleep at all... I've been on sleep medication, y'know to help me get back into a pattern but my eyelids drop but my brain stays awake, it's the awake part that really gets to me.  The part where I can't seem to shut off."

"I can't say I can relate I'm afraid and I'm sure you're pretty pissed at people telling you, "it'll be okay with time"- because who knows whether it will be.  People usually say that when they have nothing better to say... which reminds me, I apologise about what I said to you yesterday at the restaurant, y'know when I was feeding you all that shit."

Amber shrugged, "It's fine. Sometimes I forget what people say or that I'm in conversation with them.  Don't get me wrong... there's a part of me that's lost a part of me on the way and... I guess I'm always trying to find her.  I've never been like this, I've always been the life and the soul of the party... I've never been this quiet..."

Cade reached out and touched her arm, he felt her flinch underneath his touch, "You don't have to justify yourself to me or anyone Amber."

"That's the point... no one understands what I've had to deal with... no one can understand how it feels.  It's just in my nature now to justify everything."

"Okay, I understand," Cade said, removing his hand from her arm, "Would you like anything to eat?"

"I'm good, thank you," Amber smiled, "So, what have you got planned for the next couple of days?"

"It depends really," Cade replied.

"On what?" Amber looked thoughtfully at Cade.

"You," Cade's response hit home.

"Me?  What have I got to do with anything?" Amber looked shell shocked.

"I'm taking a couple of days to see my parents, to surf..." 

"You surf?" Amber spluttered.

Cade grinned, "Yeah, I don't surf as much as I'd like to, for the fact I live in London and the only surf around here is found in a bottle of laundry liquid, but I do.  Why don't you come with?"

"Come with you? To meet your parents?" Amber said, shock registering all over her face.

Cade put his hands up, "Oh God no, you think me inviting you down to Cornwall is to introduce you to my parents, oh no... we're friends here Amber, entirely friends.  Shoot! I should have made myself clear from the beginning... I always seem to presume people know what I'm talking about but... no, well... if you would like to come down, meet my folks... or y'know, get away... maybe even surf, you're more then welcome. It's completely up to you, no pressure, no nothing."

Amber looked him in the eyes, she must have startled him but she hadn't meant to.  Even with Dan, he hadn't made any inclination to introduce her to his family, so this 'friendly proposal' had taken her by surprise.  She was in two minds.  Hadn't they established their friendship?  Of course, he had been patient, a real gentleman, a complete contrast to how he had been when they had first met, but going down to Cornwall just didn't sit well with her right now.  Maybe it was the spontaneity of the proposal, who knows, "I'll let you know."

Cade smiled, "No problem, no pressure like I said, okay? If you change your mind or just want to come down for the day, you only need to call Amber."

"Thanks Cade," she smiled, "When are you planning to set off?"

"Funnily enough, later on this morning," he smiled.

"Shit, shouldn't you be asleep now... or at home packing?" Amber said horrified looking at the coffee shop wall.

"Don't worry about it, I'll grab some winks when I get there," Cade smiled, "But thank you for worrying."

Amber blushed and looked away, was she worried?  I guess you could say she was, "Were you born there?"

"No, I moved there with my parents when I was young... it's been home pretty much ever since," Cade offered.

"So, what is it that makes it home?" Amber sipped her hot chocolate.

"I can time travel back to being me... being a kid... there's no pretences y'know.  I can be me and the people there know me, so I don't feel as if I have to put on an act," Cade said.

"And are you putting on an act?"  Amber asked.

"I'd like to think not but I am with you," Cade looked her straight in the eye.

"With me? I don't understand," Amber frowned, "Have I done something wrong? I don't need your sympathies Cade..."

"I wasn't offering you my sympathies... I can tell you're afraid Amber but I can also see you fighting back each passing day, well if you can call the days that I've seen you anyway."

"So what do you mean... you're not putting on an act but you are with me, that doesn't make any sense?" Amber said leaning forward and clasping her hands together.

"Don't worry about it Amber... I'm not... I really ought to get back, can I walk you back home?"

"I think I'll stay here for a while, thank you for coming down," Amber stands up and gives Cade an awkward hug and he smiles.

"Let me know if you change your mind... if not, I'll see you when I get back, I hope,"  Cade smiles and walks out. 


Shortly after Cade left Amber in the coffee shop, she'd stayed for an extra half hour before she decided to head home.  Bizarrely enough, she couldn't quite get their conversation out of her head. Why didn't Cade want to answer her question?  What act was he playing?  And what did he mean?  She smiled to herself,  it was refreshing to know she was stressing over this little thing then be thinking about the overall picture.  She shook herself out of her reverie and focused on the traffic below. 
"Didn't you hear me Amber?" Millie said skipping in and noticing the hand carrier on the floor beside her bed,  "What's this?"

Amber stood staring at the traffic below, "He's invited me down to Cornwall for a couple of days.  Part of me wants to go because I've never been and the other half of me is holding back because, surely there's a protocol for this kind of thing. I'm indecisive as usual."

Millie sits on the edge of the bed, "How do you feel about him?"

Amber spun around, "What's that to do with anything?"

"Simple really.  Do you like him or not?" Millie asked.

"The jury's still out on that one.  I enjoy his company and he's a really easy person to talk to... "

"You're a big girl, you should go for it!" encourages Millie.

"What if he turns out to be a complete and utter jerk?" Amber asks, "Like the rest of them."

"Hey! Liam's not a jerk!" Millie says in haste, "Besides, you haven't met all of man kind, so you can't comment on each and every one of them.  It's just the ones you dated... and I hope Dan burns in hell for what he did to you. So, what's the verdict, you gonna go or what? I think it's a nice offer."

"Yeah, I thought so too. I'm just scared though Millie, what if he talks with his fists... or worse... he's an axe wielding murderer?" Amber says.

Millie shrugs Amber, "You just said he's an easy person to talk to Amber... why would he need to use his fists at all... maybe, y'know to kiss you or something along the lines of some hanky-panky but he doesn't look the violent type, but anyway... as you're obviously going, I ask you only to do one thing for me..."

"Anything," Amber waits.

"Just text or call every night to let me know everything is okay... that you're okay," Millie stands up.

"I'll do that,"  Amber replies, "Thanks Millie."

"Hey, do you want me to drive you to the train station?"  Millie offered.

"That would be great, thanks Millie," Amber grabbed her bag and followed Millie out. 

Amber and Millie hugged, "Thanks for dropping me off Millie, I'll call you when I get there and thanks... thanks for being such an awesome friend."

"You know I'm always here for you Amber, call me when you get there.. so I know you made it in one piece," Millie smiled and watched Amber board the train. 

Amber looked at her watch, it read twenty to three, she had roughly four hours to kill before she would arrive there.  Four hours!  She was probably better off taking a plane but she wanted to savour the time before she saw Cade again.  Cade... a man who had been occupying her thoughts of late.  A man, she wanted to put all her baskets in but was afraid that he would turn out to be like the man she previously knew.  She exhaled, taking a deep breathe and closed her eyes.  She prayed she didn't wake to a nightmare... she prayed she didn't talk in her sleep and she prayed above all, that her heart wouldn't get broken this time and she wasn't opening herself up for more disappointment.

Amber woke with a start, the chairs beside her were vacated and as she turned around to see an elderly gentleman approach her, "Will you be staying or leaving miss?"

"I'm sorry, I must have dozed off... are we here?" Amber asked.

"Yes mam, we are in Cornwall... do you know where you'll be heading off to?" the gentleman asked.

"I'm going to give my friend a call, his family are here and well..."  she fumbled into her bag for her phone.

"And who might your friend be miss?" Amber may have thought he was prying but he seemed like such a sweet man, she didn't have the heart to tell him to mind his own business. 

"His name is Cade Brown-Evans..."  Amber was babbling.

"Oh you must be talking about young Braiden..." the gentleman said. 

"No his name is definitely Cade..."  Amber repeated.

"Cade is his middle name, never really liked being called Braiden after his great grandfather and the scandal.  Most likely why he left to go to London, probably didn't want that hanging over his head. He comes from a good honest family though, wealthy too... you can find him at Camelot," the man ventured.

"Camelot?" Amber asked confused.

"Camelot Castle, one of many properties his family own," the man chimed, "I'm passing by there, if you would like a lift?"

"That would be great, thank you." Amber asked intrigued.


Cade grabbed his board and dumped it in the back of his dad's truck.  He had hung back from the rest of the guys to appreciate what he had been missing for quite some time now... the water.  He missed the sounds of the water, the splashing of the water... he just missed seeing the amount of water, however daft that sounded.  It was good to be back.  He started up the engine and dumped his iPhone on the passenger seat beside him and made an exit on to the road. 

He was barely on the road when his phone rang, it was Arthur, he put him on loud speaker;

"Hi Arthur, what's up?"

"Braiden," Arthur began, making Cade wince, he wanted to correct the man who had been working in the castle for more then twenty years, that he didn't like being called by his first name, "There is a young lady here to see you, her name is Amber..."
"Amber?!" Cade pushed on the pedal, "What's she doing there?"

"She was dropped off by Smith from the train station a little over an hour ago," Arthur replied.

"Is she okay?" concern could clearly be heard in Cade's voice.

"Perfect sir, she is with your mother in the coffee room," Arthur replied.

"My mother, oh hell!" Cade hit fifth gear.  Not my mother. 

20 May 2012

Amber's Advocate

Chapter Nine

Small Truths & Hidden Truths
Make Truths Nonetheless

Next time Cade planned to dish out advice, he was going to choose his words wisely.  He'd thrown out all the cliches imaginable, they usually worked with the ocassional broken heart, the cheating ex, you've-got-to-live-your-life spiel but never this. 

"What?" he almost spluttered. Surely he had heard wrong.  

"He left me for dead," Amber said blankly, "He ravaged me with his fists and kicked me when I was down and left me for dead. I understand if you don't want to continue seeing me... no one wants to go out with someone with this much baggage." 

"I wasn't even thinking about leaving," Cade leaned forward, "I just didn't know... I'm sorry.  I completely mis-judged the situation." 

"Thank you for a great day... for a few hours I almost forgot about all this... I'm sorry I brought this up... I'm sorry." Amber grabbed her jacket and headed out of the restaurant and into the street. 

Cade grabbed his jacket and followed Amber, she was half way down the street.  He grabbed a hold of her and turned her towards him, "Hey, hey..."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Cade...." she started sobbing and he drew her to him.  He could feel her shaking as the tears fell down from her lovely face, the unresolved trauma that he could only imagine.  He was suddenly angry, angry wasn't the word at all, he was furious, if he ever got hold of the man... no... what man would do this to a woman?  Why would a man be compelled to hit a woman, why would he hit a woman?  

"Let's take you home," Cade said hugging her towards him.


Millie opened the door to Amber's tear stricken face, her puffy red eyes, "What the hell did you do to her?" She said through clenched teeth. 

"He didn't do anything Millie... he was an absolute gentleman," Amber said exhaling, "Leave it." 

"Leave it?  You've been crying," Millie pointed out the obvious. 

"Of course, it's the story of my life isn't it?" Amber said, shaking her head, willing the memories to subside. She turned towards Cade, kissing him softly on the cheek, "Thank you for everything tonight."  She smiled and walked into the house, leaving Millie and Cade standing awkwardly outside. 

"So you were the perfect gentleman?"  Millie eyed the man standing in front of her, despite him standing a few steps down, he still managed to be taller then her.

"Of course,"  Cade replied. 

"Then why is she crying?"  Millie said. 

"I wouldn't be a gentleman if I kissed and told you, would I?  It was nice to meet you Millie, good night," Cade said turning and went down  the stairs. 

"Seems like an honorable man by the sounds of it," Liam said as he watched his wife close the front door. 

"Well, I'm not willing to put all my eggs in one basket,"  Millie replied, "Did she go upstairs?" 

"Wouldn't it be best to leave her to her own devices tonight? Besides, you have to help me run through lines tonight Mrs Blake," Liam said clutching her hand. 

"I'm becoming a bit of a mother hen, aren't I?"  Millie said. 

"Too much, you've gotta give the girl room to breathe, be herself... I know you mean well Mills but in order for her to move forward, you gotta give her some leeway,  this is not leeway, if you're constantly in her face. We know you mean well and we have her back but she's a woman and a strong one, once she figures it out... it'll be fine," Liam said as he tugged his wife towards the couch. 


Amber made sure to have all the kitchen utensils out of the way... she was afraid.  She was afraid for herself and her unborn baby.  She had steadily started to tape the knives down in the drawers, giving herself precious seconds to move out of the way in case things got out of hand.  She never knew things could, until one night a few weeks ago when Dan had got home after hitting the bars with his mates and moaned about something trivial at work and then taking the whisk of all things and hitting her profusely with it.   It had been her arms that she had used to protect her, after the bruises had turned to mere smudges, she could see the damage which was left... the very thought of it made the coldness creep up her spine and the chill never leaving her bones.  She'd never been so afraid in her life.   If Amber had to explain why everything was taped down, she would explain it... she had to be strong... she had to protect what was hers now.  It wasn't just her life, it was her baby's too. 

"Didn't you hear me?!"  his hoarse voice penetrated her thoughts like a knife. 

"Dan," Amber looked up from the kitchen drawer as she closed it. 

"Who else you expecting?" he said. 

"No... no one at all, I was just caught by surprise that was all,"  Amber told herself to keep calm, "I was... um... how was your day today?" 

He slithered towards her, his eyes never leaving her face.  Amber couldn't help but step back with every approach, "You're not scared of me are you?"  He lifted his finger and watched as she jumped at his approach, "Oh you are- you shouldn't fear me Amber."  He turned around, "You've got nothing to fear."  His voice taking on a softer serene tone, a tone she had once heard before... but before she could think about his knuckles made contact with her face and the sheer blunt force had her head snapping back and her feet disappearing out of her.  It came to quick, she hadn't had time to prepare to land and landed on her back, missing the dining room table.  He came above her and she tried to use her hands as a shield to protect her baby, he batter her, batter her but not her baby.  The constant kicking and punching, had the life force taken away from her.  It was strange, it was like her soul was ebbing it's way out of her body and was watching from outside of the situation, a silent spectator to the scene.  It was pain emanating from her stomach that brought her back to the moment and screamed like she'd never screamed before... and then she saw the blood, the blood coming from her vagina... the metallic taste of blood in her mouth... she screamed one final scream, saw his eyes widen and then her head hit the floor once again and all she saw was the ceiling and administered herself to the angels, so be it.  

Amber woke up from her bad dream, clutching her stomach.  The silent tears streaming down her face, she didn't want to alarm Millie again. She was bathed in her own sweat and she walked to the bathroom, her legs like jelly and showered, the water scolding... yet her bones were brittle-cold.  She quickly dried herself with the fluffy towel and put on jeans and a jumper, she was heading down to the kitchen for a glass of water when the cell phone on her bedside table came to life.  She walked over and it was a text message, she clicked the envelope icon and the message appeared; 

Can't sleep to be honest- was up reading and was
thinking of you. Had a great time with you 
yesterday. Sleep tight. 
C :) 

Amber smiled more to herself then for the text message, she texted back;

Me too. What are you reading? 

The text message came back almost immediately;

A Long Walk To Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela

Amber's eyes widened... could his brain cells function at this time of night... it wasn't exactly light reading- she texted back;

Fancy a coffee, at the usual?  
You could tell me about it? 

The text message was instantaneous;

Sure :)  
Give me fifteen minutes and I'll be there. 
Cade :D

Amber pocketed her phone into her pocket and crept downstairs.  Thirsty, she poured herself a glass of water from the water dispenser and took a gulp.  Her mouth was dry.  She put the glass in the sink and then walked over to the couch and put on her converses.  She was excited, excitement didn't come natural to her but she was excited.  Excited to see him, which took her by surprise, but it was a surprise she was willing to partake in.  And excited because she hadn't felt excited in a very long time.  Her phone buzzed and he  was parked outside.  She quietly opened the front door, making sure she had her keys and closed the door quietly.  He was standing on the pavement in chinos, a cable knit blue jumper and his hair was unkempt. 

"Are you okay to walk?" Cade asked. 

"I thought you'd never ask," Amber smiled.  As they walked side by side to the coffee shop a few blocks down. 

02 May 2012

Amber's Advocate

Chapter Eight

Issues Again

Cade saw the top of her head, her red halo of thick hair before he saw her sitting down on the bench.  Her face was turned away from him, she was staring at something beyond the activity in the park and he wondered what she was thinking.  He'd been wondering a lot about her, the last couple of days. Too much, which he didn't want to admit, even to himself.   She was dressed casually as promised in regular black jeans and white Converses and was wearing a blouse with a beige cardi and was clutching a jacket.  She looked ethereal.  She must have sensed him staring at her and turned round that minute,  her face was void of make-up, which shocked him.  Not in a bad way of course, in a good way.  It made him think of what she would look like when she woke in the morning.  He approached her and she stood up.

"Sorry I'm late," they both say simultaneously and they both laughed.

"Are you ready to go?" Cade smiles. 

"Sure, what have you got planned?" Amber asks, as she follows Cade out of the park.

"I hope you like to get your hands dirty," Cade quipped. 

"Dirty? I'm not sure if I like the sound of that," Amber says hesitantly.

"Trust me, you'll enjoy it," Cade smiles, "I've just parked my car outside, they're expecting us in half an hour."

"Who's expecting us in half an hour?" Amber says as she gets into the Audi.


"When you said I was going to get my hands dirty, I didn't realise you meant this..." Amber smiled in glee, as she looked up at the giraffe who was currently eating acacia leaves from her hands. 

"Well, I wasn't about to tell you we were going to the zoo, was I?  It would spoil the surprise," Cade smiled.  He too was participating in the activities.

"So how do you get an 'in' in here?"  Amber asked.

"I used to work here," Cade replied, "This was my first job, the pay wasn't great but I didn't mind.  I love working with animals."

"Who doesn't.  So what do you do for a living as you don't obviously work here anymore?" Amber asked.

"I work as a senior writer at a magazine," Cade replied.

"Oh yeah and how did you know passion was the thing for you, when you thought animals were?" Amber asked.

"I kind of fell into it... I mostly get shoved into most things without a bare thought and it worked for me, been with it ever since," Cade replied.  

"So, you mostly fall into things... are most of the things you've fallen into, been worth it?" Amber asked.

"Yes, I'd say so.  What's the point of sitting back and not taking the risks?  There's just no point in living.  We'd all be going snail trail otherwise." Cade replied, he watched as his words sunk in and her face went slack and then her complexion turned another shade of pale, "Are you okay?"

"Fine, why wouldn't I be?" she replied, a bit too quickly. She was on her guard, he could tell... which only made him that more curious, "What's next?" 

"That's up to you, the birds, the penguins..." Cade smiled.

"Great, can't wait!" Amber said genuinely. 


A few hours later, Amber watched as Cade said goodbye to his friends at London Zoo.  It had been a momentous day for sure, the weather was beautiful and warm and she had been welcomed into the zoo, like she'd worked there prior to her visit.  They were so welcoming and accommodating and she found herself warming towards all of them.  She'd especially watched Cade's interaction with the older members of the team and knew instantly that he was a gentle person.  She'd especially observed the way he was with the animals, he was gentle as gentle gets and it did something funny inside her. 
She had been won over by his finesse as well, when it came to lunch, he'd asked her to meet him outside the butterfly house.  Standing like an awkward teenager, she'd waited ten minutes and he'd arrived with a brown paper bag. 

"I brought a tuna melt and a chicken pesto panini with two cokes and a water, you can choose whatever you want and I'll have what's left over," Cade had said, "I hope you don't mind having lunch in the butterfly house.  Something exciting to watch whilst we mull over lunch."

Of course, Amber was starving.  She had forgotten about her food as she had been mesmerised by how beautiful the butterflies were.  The butterfly house was more like a green house stationed away from the main zoo, there were tropical butterflies and British varieties but Amber was in awe at how beautiful it all was.  She couldn't help but look at the man sitting beside her, getting stuck into the tuna melt.  The day was going from strength to strength and in a very long time, she was optimistic.  She was curious about the man, who wouldn't be.  This was a first of many firsts and she couldn't quite contain herself.  She couldn't lie to herself, she was drawing comparisons... comparisons to Rick.  Yet Cade blew Rick right out of the water on 'first dates'.  A bar and restaurant just didn't compete with feeding the animals at London Zoo and then having lunch in the butterfly house.  She was seeing a whole different side to this man, someone she was willing to invest more time in.

"Ready to go?" Cade said, breaking into Amber's thoughts. 

She nodded back and he guided her outside, towards the car.  It was five in the afternoon, a bit too early for dinner and her stomach growled.

"You hungry? You didn't eat much at lunch," Cade commented.

"I couldn't," Amber replied, "I was distracted by the butterflies. I loved the butterflies."

"You can always come back if you want," Cade offered.

"I'd like that," Amber smiled back.  She was silent for a while, before she spoke up again, "Thank you."

"Thank you for what?" Cade asked, as he opened the passenger door of his car.  

"For the experience, for the butterflies... you don't know... how..." the words were lost on her. 

Cade smiled, "Don't thank me just yet, the day isn't over.  I noticed you didn't really eat much food- my fault really, the butterflies and all, do you fancy a Shawarma?"

"Those greasy things on a stick?" Amber asked.

"Trust me, you don't know what you're missing,"  Cade smiled, as he shut the door after her.


Amber watched as Cade was greeted by the restaurant owner and his staff with open arms, or more or less a big bear hug.  They directed him to a quiet table in the corner by a fire place where Turkish trinkets hung from the ceiling and comfy cushions were adorned all over the seats.  Amber felt like she'd stepped into a whole different country. 

"They seem to know you in here," she commented. 

"I wrote an article about this place and they've had full on business since then,"  Cade smiled, "I can guarantee that whatever you order on the menu, will be the best Turkish food you have ever eaten. You must be starving."

"I am actually, what's good here?" Amber asked.

"Everything..." Cade replied.

"That really narrows it down Cade,"  Amber laughed.

"Would you like me to order several platters and you can eat off all of them?" Cade offered.

"Please," Amber smiled, "What are you drinking?" 

"I usually have a beer or some red wine for the meat, but I'm driving, so it'll be some water... but on my account, please order something," Cade smiled.

"I'll have water too," and she put down the menu.

"So Amber, tell me something that most people don't know about you?" Cade asked.

"What is it you want to know?" Amber said hesistantly.

"Well, that's why I asked the question... to get to know you," Cade replied gently, "Okay, I'll let you in on a secret... I don't dislike you."

Amber laughed, "That's a relief."

"I hope you didn't go into this date thinking I disliked you surely?" Cade leaned forward, clasping his hands together and watching her.

"We didn't exactly start on the same page, did we? How is Bryan by the way?" Amber asked.

"Bryan's fine..."  Cade didn't really want to talk about his mate who was currently dating one of his co-workers.  One of the waiters approached them and he gave them their order and they were left alone.

"I wanted to apologise to Bryan that night, y'know when he tried to talk to me... to apologise for my behaviour, you were right, sometimes I just don't know, I just can't see... I'm not a very good judge of character... I know that all too well..." Amber looked down at her hands, why was she even going down that road? She tried to will away the tears and looked up to see Cade's hand by her face, she flinched back as if his touch scolded her. The look of terror in her eyes.

"I wasn't going to hurt you Amber... I just wanted you to look at me," Cade said gently, disturbed by the look in her eyes.

"Where are the bathrooms?"  Amber said on her feet.

"Just through the double doors there," Cade frowned, "Are you okay?"

Amber nodded and wove her way towards the bathrooms.


Cade was rifling through his emails when Amber returned to her seat. 

"Sorry about that," she apologised.

"Don't be, I hope everything is okay?" Cade asked.

"I hope so," Amber said.

"Would you like to talk about it?  I'm a good listener, I might be able to help.  I would like to think we were established friends now," Cade offered.

Amber's smile was grim, "It's all I ever do... is talk about it... for once in my life I just want to forget about it... everything. Have you ever been like that?"

"Sure, haven't we all... but I tend to tackle things head on, I just don't like festering... festering is what kills it for me.  Sometimes the best course of action is accepting it," Cade offered.

"How do you accept something that was beyond your control but it still manages to resonate with you... I still feel as lost as ever... you're probably wasting your time sitting here with me with this nutcase, me!" 

"If it was beyond your control before, then you'd have to get control of it now, you've just got to get back in the driving seat... no bullshitting..." 

"Even if I'm a victim of domestic abuse and he left me for dead... almost," Amber bravely said, interrupting Cade's advice.